Too old to start over, too young to give up. I often wonder why other people can uncover more information about my life than I can… Medical, Financial, Employment,,, even my next door neighbors are not somehow linked through the tiny web we have weave in cyberspace.
I’m a digger. To be clear, that is “digger.” I never use the “N” word, and I’m way too proud to marry for money. I love information. I love to find, I love to collect it, but most of all, I love to use it. I love to dissect it, analyze it, formulate new questions and ponder the answers.
I love the journey of natural inquiry… never knowing where my racing mind will take me, often surprised surprised by the answer, but always, always intrigued by the things I encounter along the way.I may set out to find one answer to one question; only to find myself asking a million more.It keeps me up at night, and allows me to avoid the day.
My life is not unexamined, and my thought patterns may be far from typical, but the things I have learned along the way are by far the most intriguing and most unique.I am not afraid to ask questions, nor am I afraid that I don’t have all the answers.
But as a digger, I do know that it is the path least taken: the creative, atypical mind that is riddled with creativity, tangential thoughts and questions that often deliver the most interesting answers. But sometimes, it is the answers that deliver us to the most interesting questions.
We often think that questions drive the inquiry– at least that’s what they tell us in school. To use the “scientific method” And of course, we are trained, and practiced to never, ever color outside the lines. But aren’t the best discoveries the ones we weren’t searching for? The unexpected gift… the non-occasion. Outside of the box?
Finding my voice has allowed me to appreciate the silence. The hours between dusk and dawn where the rest of the world sleeps and I dig. I dig and I write. I fill the lonely hours with my innermost thoughts, and my very best friend. So as the rest of the world sleeps soundly, surrounded by loved ones in a sanctuary they call home, I fill myself with books, journals and information.
Lots and lots of information. I love knowledge. I love the written word.The beauty is in the every day. The challenge is in the unexpected. Call me crazy if you like (and many have) but I can assure you that there will come a day when all of that R.A.M. will come in handy. I am definitely asking the right questions… and maybe one day you will too.
I never dreamed my life would turn out this way at my age. It seems as though it was over before it even began. My birthday next month has pushed me a little further over the hill, and a little less tied to the past. I have a strong voice. A powerful voice.
I have a story that needs to be told. I am tired of being silenced by the Powers That Beat. I will not be ignored and I will not be forgotten. And though I may be too old to start over; I am definitely too young to give up.
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